Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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