I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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