So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
