My first STD was from a foam party
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
