hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Dignity is for republicans.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Randomize
