What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
