I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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