I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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