He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
