I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
