her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
