Soap is not a condiment
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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