I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
