i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
