Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
