Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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