I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
