I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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