yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
