Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
