GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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