i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
