Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
