i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Randomize
