Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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