I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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