If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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