I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
