Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
