you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
