moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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