just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
