So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
