I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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