Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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