new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize