? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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