all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
