I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
