woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
