and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
