I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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