Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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