That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
