how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
