the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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