You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
