are you still at the devil's house?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
