the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
