just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
