just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
