We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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