I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
