just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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