my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
