I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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