So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
