As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i love accidental penises.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
