WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
