im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
