They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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