I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
