I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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