He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
