needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just pee around me
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
