Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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