in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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